How to cope with the death of a friend?

Question

My dog was like my best friend. He had cancer and I had to put him to sleep two days ago. Everyone keeps telling me it was the right thing to do and that he's happy now but I just can't feel it. I can't stop picturing him buried outside and it's like a constant nightmare. I feel so empty inside. I haven't cried in years but now I can't stop. I want to think of the good times but just seeing his empty bed is just miserable. Today I finally had the courage to put his things away but now not seeing them there is almost as bad. I don't want another dog anytime soon, I'd just feel like it would be a replacement for him. Has anyone else felt this way? I know theres nothing to do, but what do you do? I just hate it, I'm so sad and angry and frustrated at the same time. And I hate people that tell me it was just a dog. People that think like that will never understand anything and will go through life all alone.

Answer 1

I do understand. I always cry buckets when my pets pass away. All it means is that you loved him. Having him put to sleep was the best decision you could have made -- best for him -- but that doesn't mean it's easy for you to be without your friend. The pain will ease off somewhat as time passes. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself some time to grieve your dog and then move on. Don't get the new dog right away. Wait for a little while. You'll know when the time is right to get a new four-legged friend. You'll stop aching quite so much, and will start wishing you had a dog around. A new dog will never replace the one who just died, and isn't supposed to. The new dog, once you've healed a little, will help fill the spot in your life that a dog is supposed to fill.



If you're Christian, pray and ask friends to pray for you. God made these animals to be our friends and understands when we miss them.



Some people tell you it's "just a dog" because they're afraid to give their heart away to someone whose lifespan is only 10-14 years.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel. My dog, a boxer, was 11 years old when I had her put to sleep. She had congestive heart failure. I knew it was what I had to do, but it never made it easier. She was my best friend for 11 years. I had her from the time she was 4 months old. Found her running stray. The day I had her put down, was the worst day of my life. That was December 10, 2006. It's been almost a year, and every morning I wake up, and expect to see her. I can't think about her, or look at her picture without crying. It hasn't gotten any easier. I've got two new dogs now, and they are no replacement for my old girl. I miss her terribly. I had her cremated, because it did help a small bit to have her in the house with me. But it hasn't really gotten easier. I miss her everyday. And like you, people have said to me "it's just a dog". But they don't understand. She was my best friend. I understand exactly how you feel. And everyone will say "time heals all wounds". But it doesn't. It never will. It took me a long time to even look at her bed, and her bowls, and toys...but I have them stored away. And when I miss he the most, I pull them out and think back to the good times. It does hurt, but I know she'll never be forgotten. That's the best you can do. It's going to be hard for the first few weeks or months. But you aren't ever going to replace him. It isn't possible. Another dog later on down the road, will help you fill the void...but it will never be the same. I'm so sorry for your loss, and can only offer you these words that someone told me when I lost my dog

"Just remember, she (he) isn't in pain anymore, can't suffer, can't hurt. She's (he's) young again, can run and play like she (he) used to. Don't worry, she (he) is looking down on you, and will help you heal...it's just going to take some time"

Answer 3

I too had to have a best loved dog put down, and even though I knew it was the right thing to do...it broke my heart. Non-pet people didn't understand my grief. My vet sent me a lovely card talking about my boy-how much they liked him and would miss him and that helped, knowing that someone understood. I walked around feeling like I had a big empty hole in my life.



You are grieving and in pain. You will feel lots of different emotions. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. It WILL get better. I promise!



As to getting another dog, don't let others tell you when the right time is. It might be soon, it might be months or years. You'll know in you heart when the right time is. I swore I'd never get another dog because I couldn't bear the thought of ever going through that pain again. Also, I knew I'd compare any dog to him and find it lacking. It took me almost three years. I'll never replace my last boy but my new one has found his own special place in my heart. I love him just as much and will be just as devastated when I lose him, but the joy they bring makes it all worthwhile.



I hope this helps a little. Please know that those of us who have also lost best friends care and understand and are very sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

There's just nothing worse, or takes more courage than having to euthanize your dog. You are an angel for caring so much and allowing your dog to go peacefully and stop his pain.



We grieve for our pets just like we grieve for any other member of our family. Personally I think the best thing to do is to talk about your pup, blog about him, tell stories about him. Ask other friends what they remember most about him. Maybe make a little memorial for him - a scrap book of pictures or a little statue of him. Anyone who says "it's just a dog" has no concept of the depth of emotion you had for your pet, and has very little compassion for you.



Grieving sucks and it feels like your heart is empty, but like everyone here is saying - time is your friend. It will get a little bit easier every day. But in the mean time - know that it's okay to cry and feel miserable, just remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating and drinking.



You are right to hold off on getting another dog. Don't get a replacement, get a new adventure. You'll know when the time is right.



In the meantime - indulge yourself a little, you've suffered a terrible loss, you deserve a little TLC for yourself after caring for your terminally ill buddy.



Take his toys and leftover food to a local shelter. Sometimes it helps just to sit with some puppies crawling all over you, even though you have no intentions of taking one home. Everybody needs a little puppy love every now and then!



As hard as it is, I've always decided that I'd rather euthanize my pets a year too early than a minute too late. I'd rather rob them of a little living than have them suffer even a moment too long.



Take care.

Answer 5

I know how you feel. I had a 10 year old lab, that died 3 years ago. He was my best friend, and I loved him more than most people could imagine. He was constantly by my side, watching TV with me, sitting next to me while I did homework, took naps with me, and so much more. I felt extremely empty when he left, and clung to my other dog who was 9 at the time (who is my best friend now, though NEVER could "fill the shoes" of Samson). Honestly, I still feel pretty empty because my best friend is still gone. He meant the WORLD to me. Time does help, because you don't cry as often. However, there is still times that I cry just thinking about him or my heart just aches. I don't care what people say, I believe dogs go to heaven and I will see him again. As bad as this sounds, just be miserable.....eventually it will get easier. But 3 years later, I still get extremely sad when I think about what I am missing. Just love him and the time you had with him! I'll be praying for you!

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss. People that say "it's just a dog" just don't get it. And that 's sad for them because they will never experience the bond that you had with your dog. I have lost a pet before and I know it is very very painful, especially the part where you are constanly wondering if you did the right thing interms of putting them to sleep. I agree that time will help to heal this wound of yours and that is really the best thing for it. It seems hopeless now but it will get better. Just have faith that your doggie is in a better place and that you gave him a wonderful life. It's OK to mourn his loss and spend time at his grave. I think it is also completely normal to not want to get another dog right now, but think of a new dog not as a replacement but as a friend to help you feel better about your lost dog. That's the beauty of dogs-they don't care what you talk to them about! I once saw a deer get hit by a car and I was devastated. I couldn't stop crying. I found comfort in holding my cat and telling him about it. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 7

I share and know your feelings all to well and grieve with you. Very recently we had to to put our beloved German shepherd down after she gave us the most wonderful 12 years of our life. Sable was a kind and gentle dog who was just a ball of energy and so full of life up until the last several months of her life when old age finally caught up to her. What an empty feeling it was that day to come home with no SaberTooth, as we called her, and she did not greet me with her howl. Even though we have several other dogs, she was a very special one and there was still that empty void that none of the others could fill on her passing. Don't worry about the tears because many flowed in our home that day. Yes,some would say she was just a dog,but to us she much greater than that, she was a beloved member of our family and not a day goes by when I don't miss her bark and her affection.

Answer 8

What you are feeling is completely natural. I cried off and on for days after losing a chihuahua I had adopted from an agency for abused dogs. I was warned that he was very old and would die within a few weeks or months.(He had all kinds of problems and we were in and out of his vets office) He lived with us for three greats years and whereas my intentions were to give him the best remaining days of his life happy one and I truly tried not to fall in love with him but we did. The day he died I noticed he seemed to want more attention from me than normal it was only after he died I felt it was his way of saying good bye. I held him in my lap as I had so many times before while I worked in my home office never once realising it would be the last time I would be doing that. I kissed him put him in his bed in my office and went about prepareing for my daughter who was on her way home from college. Everytime I was anywhere near him he would look up at me but when I walked past my office I realized he didnt look up I went to him and realized he had died in his sleep. I dont have to tell you how devistated I was. My daughter found me an hour later still on the floor holding him crying. I do understand your pain and can't help crying through this... I am so sorry you lost a family member and your best friend all in the same day. Your pain wont go away any time soon and you'll have a lot of hard days ahead but know in time it wont hurt as bad. He stays alive in all your great memories and you will be able to keep him in your heart. I believe all animals have souls (that doesnt sit well with many but it's my belief.) You'll get to see your bestfriend again remember that.

Mr.Blue has been gone for two years and it's been two month ago that I brought another chihuahua female (Alli) in to our home because I realized Puddles my chiuahua missed him too and I was being selfish not to have a companion for him as well. Take care and again I'm so sorry.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost one at 16 years old and it about killed me. He was my baby. The only thing that helps is time and knowing he is not suffering anymore. It will get better but you will always, always miss him. People vary but I went without a dog for 4 years because I told myself I couldn't go through the pain again. Then we took in a rescue and he runs the house! I almost didn't take him but I am so glad I did. I finally decided that the pain was worth the time I got to spend with my pet. I could have spared myself the pain but I would have missed out on the years of joy. Don't rush yourself and don't let anyone else rush you to get another dog. If you do it, do it in your own time. As for those that say "it was just a dog" they don't know what they are missing out on do they? Dogs are so loyal and loving. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 10

You are dealing with the death of a beloved family member. I have lost several dogs down through the years, and only once did I go out and adopt another dog the next day. I had just lost my dad, my job and my dog within 6 weeks of each other. I needed something to comfort me! I did however find dog that was so completely different from my dog I just lost. I think that helped. But you listen to what you need and want. Time will take care of the raw wound of loss. And for those people that say it was just a dog, tell them to spell dog backwards.....

Answer 11

i love all my animals, but i don't get too emotional when they pass away, i do cry for a few days, but not too much. I think that it is cuz they have never been friends to me. I have a hammie right now that i love more than anything, when he passes, i will be devastated. My cat had cancer, and we had to put her to sleep. my dad was so upset. we had her before i was born. Just think, your dog isn't gone, he has just decided to move from the earth to your heart and doggie heaven. he is with you always... sleeping in the dog bed in your heart. Don't imagine him in the back yard, that is just his body.... his soul has moved on to you. He will be okay, it was his time and he knew it was coming. The only way you can get over his death is to get another dog, maybe a puppy. it will never replace you best friend. Your dog knows that he has a special place reserved in your heart for him and only him. You will be surprised as to how awsome puppies can be. Your dog doesn't want you to be sad, of course you will be for a long time, but he wouldn't have wanted you to cry over him for ever. I hope you are okay, and I am so sorry for you loss.

Answer 12

Buddy,I have faced the same thing just a fortnight ago when my pretty friend Buzo died of lung infection.I could not stop crying all that day.He has died when i was away from him in Australia,but he was backhome in India,I also cannot forget the good 10 years spent with him.My dad told me that he has had an easy death without really disturbing anyone and moreover he died in the hands of doctor without any kind of blood oozing out of his miouth or anything.Also my dad told me that he has been buried very well.I just went to the temple next day and I prayed to god that whereever Buzo is He must enjoy the next life that he gets.I am sure God would listen to my request and I hope Buzo would enjoy his rebirth.Buddy you have made me to cry again today thinking of my dog.Well I just try to forget him and do not think of him any more ,that way I can concentrate.try to forget your dog as much as possible ,and thats the best way to get out of sadness.

Answer 13

Coping with the death of a dearly loved pet is just as traumatic as coping with the death of a family member or a very close "human" friend.



An intense feeling of loss is natural, and is part of the grieving process. There are support groups available for those who have lost a loved one. Attend one of these groups. Don't think anyone will consider you "silly" if your loved one was a pet.



Don't throw your dog's favorite toy away. Invest in a "shadow box", frame the toy, and keep it in remembrance of the love you and your dog shared. In time, you may be able to accept the love, trust, and adoration of another dog.

Answer 14

Time heals. This will be hard for you. Dog lovers know exactly how you feel because dogs are family. You little guy couldnt tell you, but he could have been really hurting inside. You wouldnt want him to suffer just so you could see him longer....



I am sure another puppy is waiting to love you unconditionally!



Keep busy and think about doing some community service at an animal shelter?

Answer 15

It's hard losing a pet. It's was probably better off from him to go then seeing him suffer with cancer. I had to watch my mom past with cancer i didn't want to see her go but it was so bad the cancer was kicking her butt. Times are tough and we have to let go sometimes but we will remember won't forget the good we spent with a pet or person. You'll move on take it one day at a time do something positive like if have pics of you had your dog make a scrape book to remember your dog and what a great pet he was to you.

Answer 16

omg my “best friend” passed away too of cancer!! She was 10 years old I was hoping she’d live two more years but I guess it wasn’t meant to happen. Well I’ve been coping for a year now it’s real hard the first two months I was devastated but yennoe keep and treasure the memories don’t ever forget them but find comfort in the memories and that he’s at peace now :] so you don’t have to worry I find comfort in my friends because they’ve helped me get through this tough time but also seeing my friend’s dog and seeing them two together just makes me feel grateful and brings back great memories. And I just can’t help but comfort her when her puppy grows and eventually passes away. U have any pics of him? u probably do keep those pics forever I have pics with her when I was 6 years old :]



good luck coping your loss

Answer 17

Aren't you lucky to have had this good dog for your companion and friend! Many people never know the wonder of the dog. I have told all my young the story that God so loved the Dog that He give it His own name, but spelled backwards. We are all dog lovers and rescuers. We do not tolerate cruelty to dogs or any other animals.

Time will ease your pain, but you will remember him all your life. I still tear up at the memories of some of the many dogs who have shared my heart and then passed on. In my later years I have lived in the country and have enjoyed the company of many animals. I do love my barn cats, all neutered/spayed, but it is my dogs who live in the house with me and my husband. Who sleep by our bedside, ride in our truck or car, follow use around the place on our chores. It is a big chocolate Lab who came to the door whining to tell me when my husband had fallen and needed help.

There is another dog out there waiting for you to come find him. Neither of you know it yet, but you will. I promise, the love you shared with your companion was special, but not unique. Thank goodness, we can love each one for themselves. When you are ready, go find that new friend who needs your care and love.

Answer 18

Please search out a pet death support group.



yes, losing a pet is like losing a member of the family and these people can help with the griving process.



Just a dog? Just...a...dog?



What the hell is wrong with those people?



Who was there to lay his head in your lap when you had a crappy day at work? Who ran around like a maniac at the park as you must have flung that ball a million times at him? Who was there to wash him down when he tangled with that skunk?



Pets are never "just a dog" or "just a cat" or "merely a fish."

Answer 19

Your "best friend" was not just a dog...I've felt the same way each time I've lost a pet by natural causes & twice being put down for the same reasons you did.Our animal family is very precious,& having them for a period of time makes us miss them when their no longer with us.But,I can promise you that time will help you dramatically.And,I would adopt another pet as soon as your ready to do so...I love animal people,& I think your best friend was very fortunate to have you in his life....The best to you.

Answer 20

I have a dog whom we love very much, and I really feel for you here. Did you have the dog long? It will take sometime to get over this. But in time you will, trust me! Remember that he is not suffering anymore with the cancer. You may also want to speak with your parents about what you are feeling too! God Bless :)

Answer 21

Loss of a loved one, person or dog, causes most people to go through stages of grieving. The first one is usually Shock and Denial. Can't believe he's gone, maybe hearing a bark and going to see if he is there, or expecting him to come around a corner at the time you'd fix his food.

Then there is anger and depression. That raw sad stage that is full of tears. It helps to have people to talk to that have grieved the loss of a pet that was a best friend also. Here's a site you might wnat to check out:

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

I lost my German Shepherd dog for a similar reason and felt that gut wrenching feeling any owner close to their dog feels after making the decision they likely stalled on until there was no other option and yet- you question yourself.

All routes of treatment were exhausted and she was in constant pain. It was the most humane thing but nothing prepares you for this loss!

One thing that helped me when I was in this crying stage was to write a letter to her telling her what she meant to me and writing just whatever came to mind. I read it to a close friend at the time that also loved my dog a lot and we grieved together. That helped.

The difference for me was I was dealing with a grieving dog that my GSD had raised as if it was her own pup. She is our Aussie rescue. I swear to you, she grieved too.

We have three dogs now, and none were replacements. Each are very different, one from the others. All are precious. We have our GSD's ashes and have family photos of her and our other dog together. They are warm memories now. In time, your memories of your dog will be warm ones too. There is support and help for your time of loss and YES, dogs are as important as people when it comes to loss. In fact, sometimes more important than people.

Here's an epitaph for a dog belonging to Lord Byron (incl. one he wrote himself):

Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the Virtues of Man without his Vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery, if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just Tribute to the Memory of BOATSWAIN, a Dog.



(Found on the monument for Lord Byron's dog, Boatswain, on the grounds of Byron's seat in Nottinghamshire, Newstead Abbey.)



John Cam Hobhouse



These lines were long thought to be Byron's, but he decided to use Hobhouse's epitaph instead of the one he himself had written:



"To mark a friend's remains these stones arise

I never knew but one — and here he lies."

Answer 22

Crying is healthy. Remember the good times. Losing a pet is exactly like losing a close relative. Good thing about dogs is that eventually a new relative will knock on your door but don't answer until you know you're ready.

Answer 23

You must feel terriable it is like a death in the family and it is'

if shows me you are a loving and kind person i know if it was me i would be so upset'ive lived alone now for many years and if i was to be with out (samuel) i would be lost hes my life

you have to greive like it was your child' it will take a long time but hes in gods care now and knowing that you loved him so much would have comforted him.

Please look after yourself and greive like you would for a family member.

Answer 24

i've dealt with this 3 times in the last 5 years. My dog Jasmine choked to death when i was at school and i didnt get to say goodbye. My other dog, Blackie, died about 3 years ago i think and i had him for about 10 years. He died of gengivitis(cancer) and had to put him to sleep. i didnt get to say goodbye to him either. Both of those dogs that i remember, i've never said goodbye. But over the years, you realize they're still there with you. Not physically of course, but spiritually. You'll get over it and i know that sounds bad but its true. Just keep remembering him, dont forget him.

Answer 25

Pets are more than just pets,their companions,and it sucks when one dies,the heart ache,feeling empty,and the wondering how can i get through this,and most of all the memories,is all apart of the healing process,wtih time it will get easier,but in the mean time,it plain sucks and i'm sorry to hear about your lose

Answer 26

I hear ya. I was a mess when I had to put my dog to sleep too. You just need to remember that sometimes, that's the greatest act of love you can show your pets.

Answer 27

first off i want to say I'm really sorry about what happened to your companion i lost three dogs before its very painful to get over but like some other people are saying give it time its incredibly hard to lose someone you love don't worry you will see him again one day just be patient : )

Answer 28

we all owe a death ...there are no exceptions...it is the nature of all things...alfa omega..all things come to an end...its is how he intended it...ur dog passed to allow space for another...dont stare at the grave and remember his death...remember his life...when he was a pup doing all that funny ****...then when he was older an barked at u with challenge and u had to wrestle him down...how he never gave up until he was tired then licked ur face and went to the water bowl...remember the time he made u smile....time will lick ur wounds my friend

Answer 29

I hope what happen to your friend. But, he has stop suffering and he is ina better place now. Remember ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN !!! And that is the best place to be. He's still with you and he love you. Take care and don't dwell on what it like now, but rather what it was ...

Answer 30

For these situations time is the only cure. tomorrow you will think about that less, the day after even less and one day you will not think about your dog at all. Get another dog too

Answer 31

oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss! You were so lucky to have this four legged angel to help you through a portion of your life. You cannot be replaced, but when you feel comfortable (and probably when you're not looking), another angel will come along. Remember that you don't own pets, they own you, heart and soul. Please just give it time...



{{{Empress Hugs}}}

Answer 32

WOW...........you took the words right out of my mouth...at 4 years ago. Let me share my story....



I had two golden retrievers, Lady Prancer and her son, Comet. They were my babies and I loved them so so dearly. Mommy Prancer passed with cancer in her hind leg. The thought of removing her leg was not going to happen via my decision. It's a long story, but my own mother got gang green in her left leg. We, her children (5) all agreed to not put our dear mother through that agony. Shortly after that, within 8 days...her other leg got it. Now, can you imagine how we would have felt to tell our loving mother that her other leg now had the same problem? No, I didn't put Prancer through that by choice. Within LESS THAN ONE YEAR LATER....Prancer's son, our dear loving Comet got cancer!!! Ugh, I was still greeving over our first canine's loss. Comet was in show. His awards are still hanging on our gameroom wall as a wonderful memory of him. So, mother and son passed away in LESS than one year of each other. I have a memorial to mother and son on my bookshelf. It's beautiful. I still tear up and feel deep pain when I think of them. They were so effectionate. I cried. I missed 2 days of work (took vacation days), and it took me two years to faintly get over the pain of losing my babies.



I finally got another golden retriever, his name is Pilot. It was hard. He was 9 weeks old when I picked him out from a private breeder. Pilot had his 2yr birthday on this past Oct 29th. He is our baby now. I love him. He will never be Comet or Prancer, but he is our joy and love. He is our now baby.



What I am saying is that the pain will ease in time, but you will never forget your own baby. Anyone that says "she/he is just a dog" doesn't know the love, warmth, charm, enjoyment, and fun of a dog....nor do they care as much as you and I and many many others out there. I posted a deep concern about animal abuse and you wouldn't believe the responses I got from in-human beings....some were barbaric like...."go commit suicide". Can you believe that? Just horrible.



When I read your paragraph, I felt your pain. It instantly brought back the memories of my happy, vibrant, fun-loving, energized, look-into-those-beautiful-eyes....babies.



I will never ever forget them, nor will I ever get over the memories of them................but, time really really does have a way of easing the pain bit by bit. As I said, it has been 4 years now. I wasn't going to get another golden retriever, but I did............I suppose I just couldn't help but think that there was another golden out there that needed my love. He has more love than you can imagine. My deepest regards and blessings.

Answer 33

There is a poem called the Rainbow Bridge. It's on the Petloss.com website. It's a wonderful poem and has been a help to me. Try reading it and imagining your friend there.

Answer 34

just think about all the good times you had together. l wonder myself sometimes lf our cat ever dies cause we had our cat for 16 years now and lf our cat dies we are gonna be so lost but l know how your feeling but your just gonna have to get over lt.

Answer 35

I know how your must feel, but get another pet a cat perhaps. Better yet, this might be crazy, dig the dog out and have it stuffed before its to late. Have it stuffed in a postion that you like so whenever you get home he will always be there attentive staring away.

Answer 36

I'm guessing time will heal. This too shall pass.